How to Be A Great Host (Without Losing Your Mind)
The latest in our Good Advice series features hosting tips from Mariam Daud, Mariana Velásquez, Anna Hezel, Marissa Mullen, and Ella Quittner.
Everyone I talk to says they want to have more dinner parties. But then you find yourself halfway through three recipes with an hour less than you planned, and your kid has scattered art supplies across every inch of the hallway. It’s easy to swear off hosting forever.
There’s a sweet spot, of course: gatherings that feel both special and relaxed, the kind that leave everyone at the table knowing each other better. But how can we make entertaining both easier and more meaningful? How can we serve a meal that’s delicious and fun without driving ourselves nuts? What little touches will make your guests feel considered and delighted, and what doesn’t actually matter?
For this week’s edition of Good Advice, I asked a panel of cookbook authors (and expert dinner-party-throwers) for their best hosting tips.
Here’s what the pros had to say—to get all 16 tips, click through to view online.
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1. Tell people what you’re going to feed them in advance
“I like to build anticipation for a dinner party. Planning the menu in advance is exciting for me as the host, but I find that sharing it with your guests in advance is also exciting for them. Send a text that says ‘I’m so excited to see you for dinner on Friday night! I’ll be making braised short ribs and polenta and salad and a new chocolate cake recipe I’ve been wanting to try!’ It gives them something specific to look forward to. It also makes them less likely to cancel. And I know you already asked them if they have any dietary restrictions (right?!) but sending that message gives them one more chance to let you know they’re bringing their new vegetarian girlfriend if they forgot to tell you before so you can be better prepared to take care of everyone at your table. It also helps them know what kind of wine to bring for dinner, if they’re into that.”
—Anna Stockwell, author of For the Table and The Butter Book
2. Make one moment slightly theatrical (and a little messy)
“Carve the roast at the table. Assemble dessert in front of everyone. Spoon whipped cream over layers of meringue that lean a little. A bit of theater—and a touch of mess—makes the evening feel alive and generous. People relax when the food looks delicious rather than perfect.”
—Mariana Velásquez, author of Revel: A Maximalist’s Guide to Having People Over
3. Set out a puzzle and cook together
“The nights I love most aren’t the nights where everything is perfectly plated and ready before anyone shows up. I love having maybe a dessert ready and always an activity! Like setting out a new puzzle on the table, then saving the main course to cook with friends while we taste test and laugh together.”
—Mariam Daud, author of I Sleep in My Kitchen
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4. Course out the snacks (yes, even for a cocktail party)
“I’m a firm believer in having some food out when the first guests walk in the door, whether it’s a bowl of party mix, or an elaborate plate of crudites. But I think cocktail parties are most fun when there are a few surprises throughout the night, and not everything is sitting out at room temperature for hours. I like to pull a skillet of confited cherry tomatoes, or a savory phyllo dough pie out of the oven an hour or two into the evening. Or a few late-night trays of warm chocolate chip cookies.”
—Anna Hezel, author of Party Tricks and Tin to Table
5. You don’t need every dish to be spectacular
“Pick one thing that will be truly unforgettable and make that your focus. Maybe it’s the pasta, could your meatballs, or perhaps it’s the dessert. Whatever it is, you want one of your dishes to be the thing people think about on their drive home.
Everything else can simply be good. A nice salad, some bread, maybe a simple vegetable. Those things don’t need to be perfect. People won’t remember every plate on the table, but they will remember the one dish that made everyone stop talking for a moment. I think hosts get stressed out because they try to make five different things extraordinary. That’s exhausting. In my kitchen, the goal is always simple: make one thing so good your guests talk about it the next day.”
—Grace Geramita, author of Sunday Dinner With Nonna Gracie
6. Choose prep-ahead dishes
“Lower the bar on perfection and raise the bar on presence. For me, that looks like batch cooking. My late grandmother and I always cooked this way when hosting, especially with Malay food, where dishes taste better after the spices have time to mingle before finishing with coconut milk. What looks elaborate is often prepared ahead, and reheating is part of building flavour, not cutting corners. Even snacks were made in advance, so guests had something generous and homemade the moment they arrived. It means I can sit down with everyone, which is what truly makes a gathering special.”
—Ranie Saidi, author of The Malay Cook
7. Time the dishwasher well
“Run the dishwasher so that it finishes right before you sit down to dinner (this usually means starting at around 5 pm, on express). That way, you maximize its utility without it being noisy in the background during dinner and you can load up again before retiring to bed. I don’t want to have to spend the meal DREADING the clean up afterwards.”
—Joanne Lee Molinaro, author of The Korean Vegan: Homemade
8. Ask a question for the table
“I have been doing this for many years now and it never fails: at some point during dinner, if the energy feels a bit off, or if you notice a guest is being left out of the conversation, or if you want to steer the group away from a sensitive topic, clink your glass and announce that you have A Question For The Table. I like to keep a list of questions that will work for this game in a note on my phone or have one planned out in advance before the party so I’m not coming up with it on the spot—it should be a question that everyone in attendance can answer, that perhaps reveals something about their personality or personal history, and that brings strangers or friends closer together. Priya Parker calls them “Magical Questions” and has some great examples if you want to steal one of hers. Another great source for inspiration is The 36 Questions That Lead to Love. A favorite from that list I’ve used many times is: ‘Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?’ Ask your guests to answer in seating order around the table. You may have to redirect conversation to keep the game going until the last guest, so don’t be shy about leading the group!”
—Anna Stockwell, author of For the Table and The Butter Book
9. Don’t start cleaning up
“Guests won’t remember your perfect floral arrangement or how the napkins matched the table runner—they’ll remember how the night made them feel. So stack those dirty dishes away for later, serve warm coffee after dessert and choose to linger at the table with your guests for the kind of conversations that fill your cup.”
—Lauren Sephton, @brightmomentco (+ a cookbook coming in 2027!)
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10. Keep everyone hydrated
“Make sure you have more water easily available than you think you need. I always have a large pitcher of regular water, as well as 4 to 5 bottles of sparkling for my guests. It's amazing how quickly we go through them.”
—Joanne Lee Molinaro, author of The Korean Vegan: Homemade
11. The taller the taper candle, the better
“My dinner parties sometimes (okay, often) run really, really long, and the last thing you want is to kill the mood at midnight by having to run around replacing all the candles!!! Get the tallest ones you can find for max burn time.”
—Ella Quittner, author of Obsessed With the Best
12. Offer nice glasses for drinkers and non-drinkers alike
“Even though it makes cleanup more annoying, I always prefer serving drinks in real glasses. They just look and feel so much better than plastic, so I keep a whole mismatched collection of stemware for this purpose. Whether someone is drinking water, or seltzer, or a fancy little soda, I like to give them a glass (with ice and a twist of lemon if they like).”
—Anna Hezel, author of Party Tricks and Tin to Table
13. Sundae cups dress up the simplest desserts
“I often turn to the sundae cup, whether a cool vintage one bought on eBay, or a simple stainless steel one, to turn any simple dessert exciting. In my book I have a whole chapter on whipped cream variations you can serve as the whole dessert, and I love to plate them in sundae cups, so they look super ostentatious and exciting (like this one). You can also use a sundae cups to avoid making dessert entirely; scoop your favorite store bought ice cream into them and crumble your favorite biscuit-style cookie on top. Or use them to serve warm cookies!”
—Ella Quittner, author of Obsessed With the Best
14. Place cards mean no one’s left scrambling
“Whenever I am hosting a seated dinner for more than 6 people (who are not all related), I do seating assignments. I think it makes people feel special and considered, and it also helps you avoid any awkward seat shuffling or seat saving. I call this my “no musical chairs” before dinner policy. And a simple, handwritten place card is all you need. (For the record, I do think a game of musical chairs after dinner does sound fun.)”
—Amber Mayfield Hewitt, author of Your Turn to Host
15. If the ambiance is right, everything tastes better
“Of course the menu matters, but a cheese board in a stark, fluorescent kitchen will never taste as good as one set out on a softly lit table. People will always remember how a party felt afterwards. Soft lighting, good music and thoughtful details like candles or fresh flowers are the special touches that make guests settle in. Focus on creating a warm, inviting atmosphere and the rest will follow.”
—Marissa Mullen, author of I’ll Bring the Apps
16. The host is the most important guest
“The energy of a gathering always mirrors the host. If you’re stressed, hovering, or disappearing into the kitchen, everyone feels it. I design my menus so that at some point I can sit down with a glass of wine and stay there. The party works when the host is actually enjoying it.”
—Mariana Velásquez, author of Revel: A Maximalist’s Guide to Having People Over
These tips are really inspiring!!
I recently learned that in Sweden, many of the traditional holidays feature foods that are delicious but easy and quick to make, so that the host gets to enjoy the holiday as a proper day off as well. This is pretty thoughtful, and I bet it encourages people to host more.